4 Things We Bet You Didn’t Know About Your Penis

Your penis. It knows you better than your best friend (for some of you, it might BE your best friend) and is always between your legs by your side ready and waiting for your next adventure. But how well do YOU know your Johnson, your Peter, your Willie?

This important appendage is capable of many great things but there are a few you may not have heard of, so we’ve compiled them here for you to study and remember forever. Try whipping out one of these factoids next time you’re at a loss for dinner date conversation!*

* Not actually recommended

1. Penises Can Fire Up to 8 Feet

Many guys keep personal score of their ejaculatory prowess and feel the farther they can “shoot” their ejaculate, the better or more powerful their penises are. But studies show that’s not actually true!

Alfred Kinsey, the pioneer sex researcher who paved the way for sexologists today, spent much of the 1930s and 1940s studying human sexuality with the help of thousands of human subjects (and caused all kinds of controversy doing it). One of his studies involved measuring the ejaculatory distances of 100-or-so men and found that some of the subjects were able to make it up to the 8-foot mark!

There hasn’t been a TON of follow-up research regarding this lower-priority sex topic, but we did find that another set of sexology pioneers did their own masturbatory measuring with less impressive results. William H. Masters and Virginia E. Johnson, the duo behind Master and Johnson (and inspiration for the recent Showtime hit Masters of Sex), studied human sexuality and sexual response from the late 1950s up until just a couple of decades ago and found that their male subjects ejaculated up to barely 2 feet.

But before you whip out some lube and a tape measure, keep this in mind: researchers at Weill Cornell Medical College later found that the force of ejaculation is NOT related to your penis’ physical abilities. The distance one can ejaculate is actually dependent on how satisfied he feels about his orgasm. So keep your head in the game and stay positive next time you release!

2. Your Penis Needs Exercise

Without regular erections, it’s possible for the muscles of the penis to atrophy and lose their tone. These muscles require regular oxygenation (which happens when blood rushes into the shaft when erect) and without regular stiff ones, the penis can become less malleable and even shrink in size. So for men who find difficulty getting hard on the reg and want to keep their dicks in healthy condition, doctors recommend the use of sexual aids like penis pumps. These gadgets use suction to swell the penis with blood and help ensure that it stays in shape. Gives a whole new meaning to “use it or lose it”!

3. You Can Shoot Even When You’re Soft 

Your penis doesn’t need to be rock-hard to ejaculate. In fact, it can happen when you’re completely flaccid! The ejaculation response center is actually in your spine, which sends signals to and from your brain and genitals during sexual stimulation and ultimate tells the muscles at the base of your shaft to contract. (Which ultimately forces semen out of you.) It’s these muscles that are responsible for ejaculation regardless of whether or not the penis is engorged.

You can see for yourself next time you’re in the mood to experiment – try stimulating yourself in ways other than stroking (vibrator to the frenulum or taint can help!) and see what might happen!

4. Quitting Smoking Might Make Your Dick Bigger

Researchers have found that men who quit smoking cigarettes (without relapsing) end up having thicker and more rigid rods over time! You see, cigarette-smoking calcifies blood vessels and dramatically stifles circulation – and that counts for your penis, too.

Hard, strong erections depend on steady blood flow, so doctors and sex educators alike recommend trading in Camels for condoms to keep your penis in firm working condition. Strong circulation means bigger erections, to quit those smokes and start having better sex (and better breath)!

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Lasting Longer in Bed Has Never Been So Easy!

July 24, 2015

Worried you might not last long enough in bed? Well, you’re not alone; this is one of the most common concerns of men of all ages, regardless if they actually have issues with premature ejaculation. Whether you’re a “one minute man” or simply want to wait until your partner comes first, there’s a new solution to longer-lasting, more satisfying sex – and it’s literally only a spray (or two) away.

Dynamo Delay is a brand new male desensitizing spray, the first and only FDA-compliant delay spray proudly made in the USA using a concentrated 13% lidocaine formula, which means men can improve stamina, increase endurance and prolong pleasure with just a few sprays and barely any extra effort. Gone are the days of counting backwards, thinking about baseball, and every other mental trick to keep from coming – now you can stay present and focused on your partner’s pleasure without worrying about whether you’re about to explode.

Compared to other leading delay sprays, Dynamo Delay is 35% more concentrated, contains 50% more product and twice the number of sprays per bottle – all at about half the cost per spray! At $14.95 a bottle, Dynamo Delay is now the most affordable, most effective and most powerful male genital desensitizing spray available.

“There’s a lot of snake oil out there and it was time to create a delay spray that follows the strict guidelines of the FDA, a true over-the-counter medicine that men and their partners can trust,” The Screaming O Account Executive Conde Aumann said. “Studies estimate that 70% of men will experience premature ejaculation of some form at some point in their lives; we believe that they deserve a fast, effective and affordable solution without an embarrassing prescription, nasty side effects or fear that it won’t actually work.”

Like all real U.S. medicines, the lidocaine used in Dynamo Delay is tested against strict U.S. Pharmacopeia (USP) standards to ensure strength, quality and purity. Chosen over for its more powerful numbing ability, lidocaine is one of the most studied drugs on the market and has shown effective in men aged 23-70 – meaning men of all adult ages can benefit from the effects of a product like Dynamo Delay.

With so many desensitizing options on store shelves, but so few of them legal and with FDA-approved indications, The Screaming O urges men and their partners to trust Dynamo Delay for their intimate needs.

Visit DynamoDelay.com for more information and to place an order today!

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How to Get Your Girl in the Mood!

There are a lot of factors that come into play when it comes to sex, and the first step is wanting it in the first place. But arousal and sexual desire are affected considerably by so many things: stress, hormones, emotions, time/place, fatigue…you get the idea. And while some men find it easy to break through those unsexy barriers to get it on, women have to work a lot harder to muck through the life-gunk to get their heads in the game.

Many men need only minutes to get hard and ready to go, while women can take up to 20 minutes (or longer depending on the day!) But you can help! Here are some quick tips for helping your lover get on your libido level and ready for some satisfying sex.

1. Make (and Take) It Easy

Women have a lot on their plates each day and often have to juggle multiple hassles at once just to make it home by 6 p.m. That can include work deadlines, kids (if applicable), pets (also if applicable), errands, doctor’s appointments, gym time, b.s. with the boss, rush hour traffic – and the to-do list doesn’t end when she walks in the door. All of these tasks take up valuable brain space, causing frustrating distraction from what she likely would rather be doing (i.e. having sex with you). So surprise her with three of the sexiest words a man can say:

“I got this.”

Pick up her dry cleaning. Deal with the grocery list. Clean the bathroom. Feed the baby. Whatever the task, she’ll feel loved and supported knowing that you thought ahead to handle stuff so she doesn’t have to. And that sense of relief may help make it easier for her to relax and get in the mood for something more than Netflix in bed.

DISCLAIMER: This is NOT a “do the dishes, get a BJ” type of reward system. Helping your partner is a thoughtful expression of love and should be done without expectation. Even the slightest sense of sexual entitlement may turn her off (rightfully so), so keep your intentions genuine, please.

2. Think About Her (and Tell Her So)

Women love to know that their partners are thinking of them, sexually or otherwise. But many men make the mistake of taking this expression too far (ex. dick pic during lunch break) and inadvertently ruin the moment. The sentiment is genuine, we’re sure, but sadly lost in the crassness of sending cellphone porn during work hours. So tone down the message!

Tell her you love her. Tell her you’re thinking about that time she did that thing that made your toes curl. Tell her you can’t wait to see her later. Tell her you want to rub her shoulders before bed. Get creative but try to avoid the gutter.

There’s something special about knowing that you’re on your partner’s mind and it isn’t necessarily because he’s horny and wants to get laid. It can inspire that giggle she might have made during the glorious honeymoon phase and might even inspire a fun response that could lead to the kind of back-and-forth text flirting you used to do in high school. Flirting is one of the first steps toward foreplay…and we all know what can happen from there!

3. Find a Sex Toy Made for Her Pleasure

Many people (women included) don’t know that most women need a little extra sumthin’ to reach orgasm while having sex. And while orgasm doesn’t have to be the ultimate goal, it’s always fun to try new and exciting ways to try to get there faster and easier. That’s where sex toys come in.

Sex toys come in all shapes, sizes, colors…you name it, but for this kind of pleasure we recommend shopping for something small and easy to use. (Especially if it’s her first sex toy.) Look for terms like “mini vibe,” “mini massager,” “bullet,” “clitoral vibe,” and “clit vibe” to find styles that are small, easy to hold, and perfect for stimulating her clitoris while you both get down. And if you know her favorite color or anything else that might help personalize her new vibe, definitely keep it in mind before making the final purchase.

The beauty of this kind of gift is that she can enjoy her new vibrator with you AND when she needs some private relaxation time. The more she masturbates and gets to know her body (and what she likes to do to it) the better your sex life will get. And knowing that you care enough about her pleasure to buy her a special sex toy might warm her heart enough to want to break it in the minute she opens the box. With your help, of course!

‘Ladies’ help these fellas out and comment on what gets you in the mood.

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Lenny Kravitz #Penisgate Sparks New Conversation About C-rings

Aug. 6, 2015

In case you’ve been asleep or living in a wifi-free cave, you may have missed what’s been deemed #penisgate: famously sexual rocker Lenny Kravitz split his leather pants during a festival concert on Monday and gave fans a seriously full frontal view. (He was going commando.) And a flash of metal at the base of his dick sent the Internet ablaze – was this 51-year-old rock star sporting a cock ring on stage? And if so….why?!

Rumors quickly were squashed by clarification that the glint of silver was actually from a penis piercing and NOT a cock ring (Kravitz has talked about it before) but questions still arose: Why would he wear a cock ring under his clothes? Aren’t cock rings meant for sex?

Well, yes! But there’s a lesser-known (but supremely awesome) benefit to strapping on a cock ring before a night on the town – especially if you’re going sans underwear. They make your junk look BIGGER.

Cock rings typically fit tight around the shaft and testicles right at the base. This constricting action can actually turn your package into a full-on bulge and the longer you wear it – as long as it feels comfortable and NOT painful! – the bigger everything will get. You won’t necessarily get a boner, but you’ll definitely look bigger below the belt. So pair a bulging package with tight leather pants à la Lenny Kravitz (maybe keep the undies on, though) and you’ll leave a lasting impression on your audience.

The more you know…

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2 Creative Ways to Use a Vibrating Cock Ring – Even If You Don’t Have a Cock!

Vibrating rings are one of the most popular sex toys you can buy, and for good reason! Their packaging promotes easier orgasms and unrivaled erections all with the goal of having better sex – but what happens when you find yourself with one of these wonder rings but without a penis within arm’s reach? Here are two easy ways to put a ring on it when “it” isn’t available (or of interest).

Stretch it On a Sex Toy

Most vibrating rings are made of stretchy material so that they can fit on almost any size penis – which means they’ll also fit on your favorite dildo! Turn any dildo into a unique version of a rabbit vibe by positioning the ring’s vibrating motor to make contact with your clitoris with each move. Stretchier rings might need to be stretched around more than once to keep the motor in place, but once you find the sweet spot, you’ll have a brand new sex toy on your hands that cost a fraction of what you’d have spent on one of those fancy dual-stim devices!

PRO TIP: The harder the dildo material, the more intense the vibrations will feel. If you’ve got your hands on a stainless steel or hard plastic, for example, try stretching the vibrating ring on the end furthest from the entry point. The firm material will transfer the vibration stronger than any silicone dildo can, meaning those intense stimulating vibes will end up radiating from deep inside.

Wear it On Your Finger

Not in the mood to wear something strapped to your dildo? We don’t blame you. Instead, try coiling the vibrating ring around your most dexterous finger (we recommend your index finger to start) and position the mini motor on the soft pad on the other side of your fingernail. (Keep in mind that vibrating rings are very stretchy, so you might need to loop it round your finger more than once!) Depending on the strength of the motor, you’ll likely feel vibration travel all the way down your finger, which ends up enhancing the experience over all. Your other fingers might even end up buzzing a little!

Now that you’ve turned your hand into a sex toy, tingle and tickle all of your favorite spots – you’ll feel pleasant sensations pretty much everywhere you touch. Try massaging and teasing sensitive areas that don’t always get enough attention (nipples or inner thighs, for instance) and revel in the fact that you’ve finagled the most affordable finger vibrator ever.

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4 Points to Consider Before Putting On a Cock Ring

We hear all kinds of information about cock rings, love rings, couples rings, vibrating rings – rings for all kinds of things – and why they’re awesome, but they can be confusing when confronting one face to face. There’s a lot to keep in mind before strapping one on and it’s not always intuitive (though it’s also not rocket science), so we thought we’d offer a quick guide to take the mystery out of the subject matter. Here are four of the most important points to consider:

Where Are You Wearing It?

Cock rings can actually be worn in one of two ways, depending on your preference: either around the penis and testicles, creating a snug fit at the base of the body; or just around the base of the penis, leaving the testicles to dangle on their own. It helps to try a variety of widths and sizes to see what feels best; some men like a tight fit around the shaft but something with more give when the testicles are involved.

Most men like cock rings because of their ability to engorge and enhance their package, which can lead to greater sensitivity, stronger orgasms and longer-lasting sex. But sometimes the best part is knowing that wearing a cock ring can make your junk look bigger. Because who doesn’t want that?

What’s it Made Of?

Rings come in many forms – some are stretchy, some are rock-hard steel, and others have straps and snaps. Each one is worn in a different way, so keep this in mind when you’re starting to shop.

Stretchy rings can be easy to put on and get off, depending on how stretchy they are. We suggest starting made of elastomer or SEBS as they stretch much more than most silicones and once you’ve gotten the hang, upgrade to something made of a more expensive material. Whatever material you choose, start out by stretching the cock ring as wide as it can go (just keep a good grip on it so you don’t snap yourself!) so you can ease your way in and adjust as necessary. BONUS: stretchy materials can be quickly and easily removed in an emergency by simply snipping them with scissors.

RingO 3-pack in clear, stretchy, body-safe SEBS

Stainless steel, stone or other rings made of materials that don’t stretch are for more advanced users because they can fit quite tight and be tremendously difficult to remove once you’re done. Once you’re engorged and rock hard, these things aren’t coming off easily, so use caution.

Leather and other cock rings that attach with snaps are popular because they are so simple to get on and off. Snap the two ends together to your preferred tightness level and then unsnap them in an instant when you’re ready. These tend to be more aesthetically pleasing than effective for sexual enhancement, however, so choose a different material if you’re looking for a tighter fit.

How’s the Hair Down There?

Cock rings, especially ones made of stretchy materials, can sometimes pull or yank on pubic hair as your put them on and off. We recommend using lubricant to keep the area smooth and slick, which lets the cock ring slide across the skin without accidentally catching on something you don’t want it to. If you’re completely new to the cock ring game, you could even try shaving the area to completely remove the risk of hair-pulling – it all depends on your comfort level.

Does Your Cock Ring Vibrate?

Many cock rings come with vibrating motors attached, often designed to provide your partner with some stimulation while you’re going at it. If your partner is a woman, chances are she might enjoy the feeling of a vibrating ring against her clitoris – it often can help her reach orgasm without having to reach down and do it herself. Just make sure the vibrating motor is positioned correctly so it can make contact with her sweet spot.

If your partner is a man, he might enjoy feeling tickling vibration against his taint. Try wearing the cock ring with the motor below your penis and/or testicles to give him (and you!) a little vibrating boost. Many cock rings also come with extra ticklers and stimulators, so if you and your partner are big fans of taint tapping and ball bumping, try a cock ring with swinging beads and dual motors. They can turn up the fun with the touch of a button.

The Screaming O Original Vibrating Ring

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4 Reasons Why Orgasms are Good for Women’s Health! 

It’s no secret that having an orgasm can have health benefits – who doesn’t feel lighter, happier and genuinely better after rubbing one out (or having someone handle it for you)? But it’s more than just an endorphin rush and fresh-faced flush that makes an orgasm a day keep the doctor away.

1. Say Bye-Bye to the BluesThe endorphin rush that follows an O-face not only gives you a boost of energy and joy, but it also helps flush out cortisol, a hormone commonly linked to stress. Cortisol can cause inflammation in the body and give you that heavy, weighed-down feeling that comes along with tension and pressure. But every orgasm you have can help keep cortisol levels down – and your spirits up!
2. Orgasms Were an Old-School Cure-allBack in the late 19^th century, doctors used to give orgasms to female patients who’d come down with an illness they called “hysteria.” Treatment included doctors using their fingers to stimulate women until they had a “release” that visibly changed their mood and demeanor. Women who entered doctors’ offices with anxiety, fits and frantic behavior ended up leaving feeling calm, relaxed and in bright spirits – so it made sense that this method was a logical and effective cure.As you can imagine, hysteria became an epidemic with women needing multiple and frequent treatments (well, duh) and soon, doctors created electric stimulators – now known as vibrators – to help them handle the influx of patients. (And to give their hands and fingers a break!)
3. Orgasms Can Kill Pain!Orgasms provide an analgesic effect similar to over-the-counter pain meds thanks to the release of oxytocin, a hormone that many associate with a blissful feeling. It’s created by the brain and released during childbirth, breast-feeding and sex (among other times, of course) and can help alleviate the pain associated with headaches, menstrual cramps, aching muscles and more. So next time you feel some pain coming on, try supplementing Advil with an orgasm or three!
4. Orgasms Get Your Blood FlowingYour heart beats faster as you get closer to orgasm, causing blood to flow faster throughout the body so it can get to the necessary areas and heighten your senses in preparation for that big O. But as your face and body flush with that telltale pink glow, some scientists believe that your body is also getting a jumpstart as blood flows extra-fast, detoxifying your system and help aid in digestion and other common bodily functions!

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It’s more a wishbone than a bean.

We’ve all heard of flicking the bean, but did you know the clitoris is actually shaped more like that forked bone we sometimes fight over on Thanksgiving? In 1998, scientists discovered that the majority of the clitoris is actually internal, hidden from sight and is MUCH larger than anything previously imagined. The little nub we sometimes call the “man in the boat” – it’s actually called the glans – is merely the apex of the clitoris with the rest of it extending deep inside the pelvic region. That wishbone shape that allows it to connect to some important interior bits and pieces responsible sexual function and response, which all work together to help make sex feel good for her!

It has no purpose other than pleasure.

The clitoris’ single and sole function is to provide its “owner” with pleasure. In fact, it’s the only human organ that exists solely for pleasure – unlike the penis, which has important reproductive functions. (And makes it possible for men to pee.)

They get erect – just like penises.

Believe it or not, the clitoris and penis are quite alike! It has a glans (the “bean”), a foreskin (the clitoral hood), and is made up of erectile tissue that engorges with blood and gets hard when aroused and during sexual stimulation – and it relaxes and chills out after orgasm.

They’re responsible for the majority of women’s orgasms.

Contrary to old-school belief, the majority of women (some say up to 75%!) need some kind of clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm – no amount of thrusting, pumping or banging with a penis will get most women over the edge. And because the clitoris’ wishbone shape extends around the vaginal canal, women who DO orgasm from intercourse alone likely had the interior parts of the clitoris stimulated by the penis’ position inside.

So don’t worry if she doesn’t moan in ecstasy while you two get it on. She’s not broken and he’s not bad at sex – chances her she just needs a little clit action to help her along the way. (And there are some incredible sex toys out there to help make it happen faster and easier!)

They have twice as many nerve endings as penises.

Though seemingly small, the clitoris is a mighty pleasure player featuring about 8,000 responsive nerve endings – compared to the roughly 4,000 that the penis carries around. This is one of the reasons why some women find it almost painful to have their clitorises touched directly with the clitoral hood pulled back. Too many feels!

There’s no ONE WAY to stimulate it.

We’re constantly looking for the best, the correct, the most perfect way to make her cum (understandably so!) but believe it or not, every clitoris – and the woman attached – is like a snowflake. No two are alike physically or sensually, so chances are that the rulebook you read in Maxim or Cosmo isn’t going to apply to every woman on the block.

Instead, ask her what she likes. Maybe she’ll even show you – SUPER HOT FOREPLAY ALERT. Some women like soft strokes while others prefer hard pressure and there’s no way to know without asking the source. Because at the end of the day, only she really knows best – but if she isn’t sure, finding out what feels good together can be an amazingly intimate and sexy collaborative effort that could ultimately bring you closer as a couple. (Or at least closer to orgasm.)

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6 Important Erogenous Zones You Probably Overlook

The human body is chock full of sensitive zones and pleasure places that we love tickled, teased and licked for days. They can help us get in the mood and even reach orgasms easier, which is why they’re often our go-to spots when we’re getting it on. But there are some lesser-known areas that don’t get as much attention as do the usual suspects (hello, clit and penis!) but should probably be part of our pre-game routine every time.

Inner Elbow

Also known as the antecubital space or elbow pit, this part of the arm sits between your bicep and forearm and is covered by a soft and sensitive patch of skin. This area is extremely responsive to sensation (no wonder we hate getting our blood drawn!) but when touched in the right way, it can send tingles and shivers all over your body. Try gentle, slow stroking motions that run all the way down your forearm and watch your partner’s eyes roll in the back of his or her head!

 Lower Abdomen

It might seem like a no-brainer, but the lower stomach is often forgotten as we move from mouth to penis or nipples to clits. Many of us carry a lot of stress in the abdomen and without some TLC, this tension can get in the way of letting our juices flow. We recommend giving the area around and below the belly button some attention with kisses and light licking – and try incorporating some soft stroking while you make out, just to up the sensation ante a tad.

Underarms

People often feel super squeamish about armpits. We associate them with icky smells, sweaty hair, and general “ew gross” sentiments. But our underarms share connective tissue with our shoulders, upper back, and other nearby parts and can greatly affect the level of tension we feel in our upper bodies.

Plus, our armpits play a crucial role in keeping us healthy! The underarms are home to part of our lymphatic system, a biological highway of sorts that helps the body eliminate toxins, waste and other unwanted icky stuff. Light massage can help the lymph nodes flow better while providing a lovely tickly sensation, thanks to its delicate skin. Paying gentle attention not only feels good, but also promotes relaxation and better health!

Nipples

Before you say, “No, duh!” just wait – there’s a special reason why we included this on our list. Many men and women love to have their nipples licked and rubbed (even pinched!), but there’s research out there that explains why women respond to this stimulation with orgasmic results.

A 2011 study used an MRI to watch the different parts of the brain that become active when certain parts of the female body are stimulated. They found that touching the nipples lit up the same part of the brain as did touching the clitoris, vagina and cervix – which might explain why some women report having orgasms just from nipple stimulation alone!

So next time you touch the nipples as part of the usual foreplay routine, think about making it a combo deal. Lick the nipples while rubbing the clitoris; pinch the nipples while kissing the labia – see what happens when you combine intense erogenous zones. We have a feeling that the results will be more than promising.

Scalp

Most of us love having our hair washed or our heads scratched because it feels good? But scientists have been trying to find out why, and the results so far offer some interesting insight.

One scientist found that scratching the skin activates areas of the brain associated with memory and pleasure while suppressing those related to pain and emotions. Scratching creates a temporary sense of pain, which causes the brain to respond and relieve the discomfort by releasing serotonin – the same mood-altering neurotransmitter that’s produced during orgasm. This may be why scratching the scalp can promote relaxation and a sense of happiness (albeit briefly) and is a welcome addition to any bedroom routine.

 Upper Lip – and Above!         

Our lips are used for lots of things in and out of the bedroom, but when was the last time you simply touched them? The soft sloping area between your upper lip and the tip of your nose is super-sensitive and responds to gentle sweeping touches. Try outlining the upper lip with the tip of your index finger and follow the lines up to your partner’s nose as you kiss or nibble the neck or cheeks. We’re all accustomed to the feeling of another set of lips, rather than a soft finger, on our mouths which is why this welcome change of pace can feel incredibly titillating!

Any other overlooked pleasure zones that you particularly enjoy?  Let us know in the comments below!

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It’s no secret that self-confidence can have a direct effect on our lives, but did you know that feeling good about yourself can lead to better, more satisfying sex? And even more orgasms?

Multiple studies over the last 15-or-so years suggest that sexual dissatisfaction and even sexual dysfunction are related to a variety of cognitive distractions, which is a fancy term for stuff we dwell on when we should be focusing on something else. One such study, conducted in 2006 at the University of Nevada, found that women who reported higher levels of distraction during sex often also reported negative body image and overall sexual dissatisfaction. Coincidentally, men reported similar distractions, with negative body image and sexual dissatisfaction taking top billing.

This tells us that, while our plumbing and appearance are certainly different, men and women have at least one important thing in common – we aren’t super-hot on how we look and it could be getting in the way of having good sex!

So what can we do about it? Our self-esteem often is the result of years, even decades of social programming and isn’t something we can adjust and change with the flip of a switch. But there are some ways we can slowly undo all of those damaging thoughts and focus instead on treating ourselves with the same kind of love and respect we (hopefully) show our partners. Here are a few suggestions to get started:

1. Be Your Own BFF

How many times per day do you look in the mirror and find something to sneer at? Do you beeline for your thighs and call yourself a jiggle-monster? Do you check out your dick and chuckle at its size? Chances are there’s at least something that catches your eye and causes you to hurl an array of negative thoughts, feelings or blatant bad words at yourself.

Now think of your best friend. Imagine being a fly on his or her bedroom wall and watching the same scene go down. She calls herself a fat cow as she watches her reflection. He sneers with disgust as he flexes his bicep. What do you do? Our instinct might be to tell them to shut the fuck up, stop talking about themselves like that. We might even mention all of the beautiful, strong and hilarious things we love about them just for good measure.

So why not try that for yourself? When those negative feelings creep in and you’re choosing which insults to hurl at your reflection, ask yourself: “Would I let my bestie get away with that?” If the answer’s no, then it’s time to treat yourself the way you’d treat your BFF.

2. Focus on the Good

We all hate aspects of our physical selves and that’s a frank reality. Almost every body part is too fat/soft/small/whatever or too big/thick/straight/whatever and there’s nothing anyone can do to change your mind. So it’s time to bite the bullet and get over yourself.

What DO you like about yourself? (Ask a friend or a loved one if you’re feeling particularly critical.) You might think your lips are too thin or your hair is too frizzy, but have you noticed how soft your skin feels? You also might think your thighs touch too much or your arms are too skinny, but damn your ass looks good in yoga pants. Diffuse all that negative talk with reminders of the body parts and attributes that you’re proud of (and maybe even love!) and truly OWN them. The more you do it, the easier it gets – and you might feel a little better about yourself by the time you’re ready for your next bedroom encounter.

3. Get Real

This is the easiest tip because there’s literally nothing you need to do.

Your partner has eyes. Probably two of them. He or she uses those eyes to look at you and probably already noticed your big ass, knobby knees, crooked penis – whatever it is that you’re obsessing over. And there’s literally nothing you can do about it, save offering him or her a facemask or removing all light bulbs from the room. (Not recommended – safety hazard.)

Sex is raw, carnal and inelegant and there’s no amount of makeup, pillows, positions or dimmer switches that’ll prevent your partner from seeing you – all of you. That body part you hate didn’t send him or her running out the door and there’s a good chance that your partner might even grab it while you go at it. Because it’s HOT. He or she is there to do you and do you good, so get your head in the game and at least a little bit out of the self-loathing clouds so you can focus on the incredible mindful sex you’re about to have.

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