Why Foreplay is Sometimes Better than Sex

Sometimes foreplay can feel like a hassle when all you want is to rip each other’s clothes off, but this kind of sexy warm-up is actually one of the most important parts of getting it on! Most of us fall into a “we want it NOW!” mindset when it comes to having sex, but many don’t know that with a little pre-gaming TLC you can have better, more satisfying sex with orgasms that’ll blow your mind.

Better Orgasms – Because Biology!
We feel turned on when blood starts to flow more freely to our pleasure zones, and the more time you spend getting it gushing, the more sensitive you’ll feel. Penises become erect when their tube-like interiors engorge with blood and, believe it or not, clitorises do the SAME THING – they just take different amounts of time to get to that hard-and-swollen state. And that’s where foreplay comes in.

Some men can turn on and get hard in mere minutes, while others need a little coaxing to get in the mood. And most women can take up to 20 minutes (or even longer, depending on various factors) to get in the right state of mind and body, so patience is one of the most important “sex toys” we suggest to couples.

Water won’t boil in 30 seconds and you can’t have a healthy workout without a decent warm-up, right? Keep that same logic in mind and dedicate at least 10 minutes to a pre-sex “regimen” with your partner. You’ll be glad you did (and so will your partner)!

Try Erogenous Zones OTHER Than the Obvious!
Instead of going right for each other’s junk, take time to stimulate, tickle, lick, blow on (or whatever you like!) the OTHER parts of the body that respond to sexy stuff. There are so many to choose from and many of us like certain areas more than others, which is what makes foreplay so fun. Exploring to see what works great and what doesn’t work at all lets you both embark on a titillating and kinda-naughty journey on and around each other’s bodies.

Common erogenous zones include the neck, inner thighs, nipples, chest, feet, and sometimes other areas that might surprise you. So touch or tickle a sweet spot and see what your partner says – just be sure to communicate! Because unless he or she tells you “yay” or “no way,” you’ll never know if you’re doing something that feels good. You’re not a mind-reader and neither is your partner!

Like Each Other Even More!
Foreplay is recommended mostly for making sex feel better, but it’s ALSO an incredible way to get closer to your partner by building…you guessed it. Intimacy! Instead of going straight for the goal, taking the time to warm each other up lets you get comfortable with each other faster, building both of your confidence levels higher than ever. You’ll get to know each other’s bodies, feel safe and taken care of (sexually and maybe even emotionally) by your partner, and even get to the comfort level where typically embarrassing moments end up just making you laugh!
Without the stress and anxiety that can be common, sex ends up being so much more fun and frees up space for more smiling, laughing and general happiness as you get closer to doing the ultimate deed.

This heightened intimacy also allows for next-level foreplay, which might include exploring erogenous zones normally forgotten or ignored (or maybe too “advanced” for some) or even using sex toys to help enhance sensations! The perineum (aka the taint) and anus are incredibly sensitive for some men and women and using mini vibes or bullet vibrators is a great way to stimulate as you get familiar with these less-familiar areas. Even light bondage – for instance, tying arms to the bed post so your partner can take the wheel for a while – is a fun way to take foreplay up to the next level, and also signifies that you both may have reached a new level of trust that simply makes your relationship even stronger – and, chances are, the sex even better!

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You’ve finished treatment, confirmed test results, and completed the final round of chemo.

Now what?

Your brain and body feel different – especially if a mastectomy was part of the deal – and now you’re embarking on the next phase of a new life. Building (and boosting) your confidence and sexual sense of self is important, though certainly tough; but fortunately this is your chance to make some exciting new life choices that’ll change the way you enjoy your body!

Body Image
Treating and surviving cancer changes your body in many ways. Your hair might be curly where it was once straight; your skin might feel dry; you may have lost weight; you might have removed a breast (or both). And it’s hard to get used to. But there are gentle and effective exercises, so to speak, that can help you accept – and love – this incarnation and find true beauty in what you might once have considered flaws.

Counselors say one of the biggest issues that women and their partners experience is getting accustomed to a new chest. Whether having had a lumpectomy or mastectomy, women have a hard time seeing past the resulting scars and revealing their new bodies to themselves (in front of a mirror or in photos) and especially to their partners. One trick some psychologists recommend is viewing photographs of women who’ve had similar surgeries, especially if your surgery hasn’t happened yet. There are beautiful artist photography books that showcase the various shapes and forms that women’s bodies take during and after cancer treatment and promote a sense of camaraderie while celebrating having experienced and survived such a life-altering event. Plus you and your partner will be prepared for what to expect, which takes any fear of the unknown out of the picture.

Sex & Masturbation
Post-cancer, women may find that their breasts no longer provide the same pleasure sensations that they once did. Whether because of scarring, surgery or simply the result of negative association, they might need to find new ways to provide the same or similar feelings during intimacy (especially with a partner). Fortunately, this kind of experimentation and exploration is exciting and might end up exposing an entirely new side of your sexual self.

Chemotherapy and hormone treatments affect your natural libido and sexual response, which can make sex physically uncomfortable. But using a vaginal moisturizer every day – just like you would moisturize your skin – can keep the delicate skin in and around your vulva soft and conditioned while a quality water-based or silicone-based lubricant can do wonders in the bedroom. They keep things slick and smooth and take the pressure off you (and your body) so you can focus on the fun at hand.

Sex toys are also a great way to increase sensation and explore new areas of the body, while making the tried-and-true sweet spots feel even better. They enhance pleasure without exhausting hands/fingers/tongues and give you and your partner something new to try together – which facilitates communication and, in turn, a stronger sense of intimacy. Just don’t expect you (or your partner) to figure it out all at once.

Lingerie & Accessories
Lingerie, scarves, even feather boas are fun and sexy accents when you don’t yet feel comfortable “exposing” certain parts of your body. Bralettes are pretty for smaller chests and eliminate the uncomfortable (and sometimes unnecessary) structure, boning and support of a traditional bra. Matching panties and camisoles look sexy and bring attention to the body parts you want accented. And if you feel shy about showing too much skin, a silk or satin nightgown can look flirty and fun – and feel incredible against your skin! – while flowing over scars and areas of the body that you might want to keep covered.

What’s most important is your comfort level and staying true to your needs and desires as you get used to your body and sexuality after cancer. Whether with a partner or with yourself, the key to feeling happy and healthy post-cancer is loving and appreciating the incredible feats that your body is capable of – and feeling excited for what life has in store for you next!

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